Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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