Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize