I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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