maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
