Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
