Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
