I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
