Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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