It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
