final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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