I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
how drunk are you?
Several
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
