your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize