Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
