i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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