i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
