Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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