The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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