Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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