I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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