Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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