It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
