You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
