You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
