Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize