Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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