If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
