3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
