Me too!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
