Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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