hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
