uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
