she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
