I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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