Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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