That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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