Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
