Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
