Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
