i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
