i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
