Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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