Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize