And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
