it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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