my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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