You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
