i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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