Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm at about main and main street
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
