put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
...so i touched it.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
