Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
