is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize