The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
