Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
