he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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