I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
