my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
