1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
