This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
