no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
