4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Where is the hickey?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I had to cum in my sink.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
