If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he fucked my hip out of place.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
