don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
