well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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