I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
