I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
