We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize