No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
