guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
