A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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