Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
