Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
