My friends, they love my intelligence
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
