i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
