just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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