all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need to calm my uterus...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize