i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
