Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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