3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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