I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
