ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
