SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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