We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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