I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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