I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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