There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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