after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
