I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
