I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
