Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
