i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
