and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
