the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
