would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
