I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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