she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
