I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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