I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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