Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
