I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
